The holiday season is officially upon us, and with it comes the inevitable, high-stakes debates that tear families apart around the dinner table. This year, however, the opening shots have been fired not by your argumentative uncle, but by the NFL’s favorite sibling duo, Travis and Jason Kelce. In a raucous, no-holds-barred bonus episode of their hit podcast New Heights, titled “Heights Hotline,” the brothers tackled fan calls and delivered a series of scorching hot takes that have effectively turned the traditional Thanksgiving menu upside down.

From declaring open season on roasted turkey to a fierce philosophical disagreement over the validity of macaroni and cheese as a holiday staple, the Kelces proved once again why they are the kings of relatable, chaotic content. If you thought your family’s arguments over stuffing versus dressing were intense, buckle up—because the Kelce brothers just took the culinary culture war to a whole new level.

The “Dry Ass Bird” Controversy

Perhaps the most unifying moment of the episode came when the brothers addressed the centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table: the turkey. Triggered by a fan call from “Dee,” who boldly claimed that turkey is “one of the worst dishes of all time,” Travis and Jason found themselves in rare, vociferous agreement.

“It’s so dry, and people who like it are just weird,” the caller stated, a sentiment that Travis immediately endorsed. “I’m with you, man,” the Kansas City Chiefs star replied, launching into a critique of the traditional preparation methods that leave the bird tasting like cardboard. “It’s hard to eat turkey unless it’s deep-fried… boiled in fat grease.”

Jason, the former Philadelphia Eagles center, doubled down on the anti-turkey sentiment, revealing that the Kelce household often pivoted to pork chops or other meats growing up because the “dry ass bird” required gallons of gravy just to be palatable. “Is it really worth spending eight hours cooking a turkey when you could just get something better?” Jason mused, casually suggesting a bucket of KFC fried chicken as a superior alternative.

However, the brothers did offer a glimmer of hope for traditionalists. Their solution? Aggressive culinary intervention. “You gotta fry it, or you gotta spatchcock that sucker,” Jason insisted, referring to the method of removing the bird’s backbone to cook it flat and fast. Travis even expressed intrigue in the legendary “Turducken,” proving that while they hate a dry bird, they certainly respect a carnivorous challenge.

The Side Dish Showdown: Mac & Cheese vs. Green Bean Casserole

While the turkey truce was peaceful, the peace was short-lived. The episode’s climax arrived with a simple question: “What is the best Thanksgiving side dish?”

Travis, without a millisecond of hesitation, shouted, “Mac and cheese!”

It was here that Jason drew a line in the sand, sparking a debate that will likely ripple through the comments sections of social media for weeks. “The problem with mac and cheese is… it’s an everyday food,” Jason argued. In his eyes, a true Thanksgiving side must be exclusive to the holiday. “You guys make it all the time. Green bean casserole is like an exclusive thing to Thanksgiving.”

Travis was having none of it. He vehemently rejected the green bean casserole, a dish synonymous with cream of mushroom soup and crispy fried onions, labeling it the “anti-Travis Kelce dish.” For Travis, the gooey, cheesy goodness of macaroni is the undisputed king, regardless of its frequency on the weekly menu.

Jason, ever the contrarian, tried to claim mac and cheese is “overrated,” a dangerous take that he acknowledged would anger their Canadian listeners and cheese lovers worldwide. “I’ve seen some people deliver some wet ass noodles,” Jason warned, though he conceded that a baked version with “the crunchies” on top is acceptable.

Dessert Disaster: The Cancellation of Apple Pie

Just when listeners thought the takes couldn’t get hotter, Travis decided to nuke the dessert course. In a baffling turn of events, he declared apple pie—the symbol of American wholesomeness—to be “the most overrated dessert in the history of top-shelf desserts.”

His reasoning? Texture and temperature. “Warm fruit doesn’t make me excited. I like cold fruit,” Travis explained, creating a new culinary rule that seemingly bans any baked fruit pie. He demanded a “cold pie,” citing Key Lime as the only acceptable alternative that mimics the texture of cheesecake.

Jason initially tried to defend the honor of pie, but even he wavered, admitting that he doesn’t like caramel apples because they are a “disaster” for a man with a thick beard. “It sounds like the biggest disaster of all time… it’s gonna be f***ing everywhere,” Jason laughed.

However, the conversation took a wholesome detour when the brothers discovered a shared love for carrot cake. Specifically, Travis waxed poetic about the carrot cake from “Jack Stack” in Kansas City, describing it as a “mammoth of a cake” with cream cheese frosting so good it justifies eating vegetables for dessert. It was a rare moment of unity: turkey is out, apple pie is trash, but carrot cake is forever.

The Marshmallow Defense and The Cylinder of Sauce

No Thanksgiving debate is complete without mentioning sweet potatoes. A caller tried to shame the practice of putting marshmallows on sweet potatoes, calling it a “dessert” that has no place on the main plate.

The Kelces were appalled. “You’re wrong,” Jason stated flatly. “We’re not calorie counting on Thanksgiving… if that means throwing marshmallows on top of it, bring it on, brother!” The idea that one should eat roasted root vegetables instead of sugary, marshmallow-laden yams was laughable to the NFL stars.

Even more divisive was the cranberry sauce discussion. In a twist that horrified food snobs, Travis revealed he prefers the canned, gelatinous cranberry sauce—specifically the kind that retains the shape of the can. “I want that thing to come plopping out and don’t even touch it. Just let it sit as a cylinder,” Travis said. “Let it be nasty.”

Jason, whose wife Kylie also prefers the “cylinder,” admitted he likes a fresh, homemade sauce with actual berries. But for Travis, the nostalgia of the “jiggle” is an essential part of the holiday experience, likening it to “Jell-O packs” he used to eat like Fun Dip as a child.

Halloween vs. Christmas: A Pre-Dinner Skirmish

Before the food fight even began, the episode opened with a fundamental clash of holidays. A caller named Thaddius attempted to argue that Halloween is superior to Christmas because of the “spooking” and pranks.

The brothers immediately shut this down, questioning Thaddius’s upbringing. “The only thing that makes sense is that their parents gave them a shitty Christmas,” Travis joked. Jason agreed, arguing that while Halloween is fun, it “couldn’t sniff a fart of Christmas.”

“Christmas moves the stock market,” Jason argued, pointing to the sheer cultural and economic weight of the holiday. “It’s ingrained in American culture… family, giving, the holiday spirit. It’s a fantastic holiday.”

A Very Kelce Holiday

Ultimately, the “Heights Hotline” episode served as a perfect primer for the chaos of the upcoming holiday season. Travis and Jason Kelce managed to capture the exact energy that makes Thanksgiving so special: passionate, loud, and completely irrational arguments over food with the people you love.

Whether you’re Team Mac & Cheese or Team Green Bean Casserole, or whether you prefer your turkey deep-fried or replaced by a bucket of chicken, the Kelces have given us all permission to lean into the madness. Just don’t bring a warm apple pie to Travis’s house—unless you want to see a grown man cry over “warm fruit.”

As the brothers signed off, thanking their “92 percenters” fanbase, one thing became clear: The Kelce Thanksgiving table might be full of “trash” food takes, but it’s undeniably the most entertaining dinner party in America. Happy Thanksgiving, indeed.